What to Do When Your Plan Is Not Working
Last year, while playing pond hockey I landed on my face after hitting a crack in the ice and flying like Superwoman through the air (thankfully, I wear a helmet cage that protects my face). The impact hurt. My neck and shoulders are still a sore reminder. But I got up...after a few minutes of doing a mental body scan. I got up, took a few minutes on the sideline and then got back in the game.
I didn’t make that fall mean that I’m a failure and don’t belong playing hockey, or that I suck as a skater, should get off the rink, and walk away from the game...it was just a fall. I fall regularly while playing hockey but I get up and keep playing.
A couple years ago I launched an online course and didn’t sell as much as I thought I would. I’m so thankful for each and every one of my students, but I wanted a bunch more of them. The course is effing amazing! But when I fell down on that field of play I made it mean that I’m a failure, I’ve wasted my time and money, I don’t belong creating a course, I suck and on and on.
All that was different between these two failures were my thoughts about them. The truth is, I get to choose whether I want to entertain thoughts that serve me or tear me down. Yes, I can feel pain, sadness, disappointment from failing but the ultimate story I decide to tell myself about the failure is what will determine whether I can turn my failure into fuel to get better or a reason to quit.
We make these choices every day! When we don’t honor our plan for the day or when we get a ‘no’ from a prospective client, or when we fall short of our big goal, we choose what we make it mean. And every day we’ve got to manage our thoughts, stay curious rather than critical, and learn and get better each time.
But how to do that? I’ve got some practical steps you can take everytime you feel that urge to beat yourself up for falling short.
- First, just notice your thoughts coming up. Manage your mind around failure. Your brain may start to spin out in thoughts of inadequacy, compare and despair, imposter syndrome...all of it. Just stop it! Don’t do that. Catch yourself and instead get curious, and redirect your mind to a more productive use of its power.
- Next, Evaluate. A great way to direct your brain away from beating yourself up is to do an Evaluation. You may remember this process from previous posts but here's how it goes. Grab your journal or open a Doc on your computer and answer 3 questions in this specific order:
- What worked?
- What didn’t work?
- What will you do differently?
- Dig a little deeper. Why do you think it’s a failure? Oftentimes when our plan isn’t working like we thought it would we make it mean something about us and our inadequacies. What can you learn about how you think of yourself? What if this failure means nothing has gone wrong? What if it’s just an invitation to learn and grow to the next best version of yourself?
It’s never easy to fail and as with much failure as I’ve experienced in my lifetime, it never really feels good, but that’s okay. We can chalk up failure as the 50% of life that doesn’t feel good, but keep moving forward anyway. So, remember to evaluate, learn, and engage with your next idea, don’t overthink it all.
Learning from failure rather than letting it wreck me has been one of the greatest transformations I’ve experienced in my life and my business!
In fact, I’ve learned so much more from my “failed” launches that has catapulted me to a new level of success than I ever would have learned had they all turned out like I thought they “should.”
If you’re struggling with feeling like a failure, consider that it’s possible nothing has gone wrong; that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be right now to learn what you are meant to learn. Only you can choose to learn from your failures and turn them into the fuel that will rocket you to success.
Are you allowing failure to wreck you? I coach women like you to achieve the impossible and build the business you dream of through managing your mindset and using practical strategies to get out of your own way, market yourself better, and make more money. If you could use my support in helping you achieve your big goal this year, reach out right away to explore whether coaching is right for you. Curious how I can help you? Let’s talk!
Cheers,
Melissa
